xanyland Episode 2 - Trauma, Depression, and Drugs with Jessica Michelle Singleton

Welcome back to xanyland: Episode 2 with our very special guest, Jessica Michelle Singleton. If you don’t know Jessica Michelle, you should. She’s hysterical and not in the old Freudian fainting on the couch way—although she has been known to use a vibrator on stage. Her comedy is bold, and it covers topics across the board, including MENTAL HEALTH.

Jessica Michelle and I have known each other for years. I first met her at Pretty Funny Women, which is a stand-up workshop for you guessed it, “pretty, funny women”. She has even coached me a few times.  We shared a mentor/mentee bond that I wish I could say has gone both ways, but she knows more about mental health than most therapists. 

When life got in the way, we lost touch slightly but I got to sit on the sidelines and watch her put on countless amazing shows including her phenomenal one woman show “Codependent Arising” in 2018, start her own podcast "Ignorance is #Blessed", and her debut country song “Now I Need Whiskey” was short-listed to be NOMINATED FOR A FUCKING GRAMMY. Keep a lookout for her first hour special, “ Hi Y’all,” which is dropping at the end of April. People can watch it for free at punchup.live/jms. Needless to say, she’s a powerhouse and you need to check her out and follow her wherever and whenever @jmscomedy. 

We kick off this episode with everyone’s favorite icebreaker: trauma.

Jessica Michelle shares that she didn’t even realize she had trauma until her late twenties—which, honestly, is more common than you’d think. Quick sidebar: when I said we “didn’t have a word for trauma until the 1980s,” what I meant was that trauma didn’t enter our cultural lexicon until then. It wasn’t a word most people used to describe their own experiences, and that shift in language has major implications. Head to my Substack if you want to nerd out further.

Jessica Michelle talks openly about her experience with depression—she even covered it on Iliza’s Locals (you can check it out on Hulu). She also mentions on the pod that she’s from Alaska—the great state of, apparently, no sun! Isn’t that fun!

Seasonal depression is real.

She also talks about her attachment to emotions. Culturally, Americans are taught to bottle everything up because crying is seen as “weak.” But if The White Lotus is teaching us anything, it’s that sometimes you just need to sob in designer resort wear and call it healing.

Jessica Michelle and I agree: cry if you want to. This isn’t a Sam Shepard play. You don’t need to keep it together until someone smashes a whiskey glass and storms out. Let it out before you boil over.

A big part of our conversation was about druuggggssss. (Said like that, obviously.) Finding the right one can be life-changing—but let’s be honest, it’s a total crapshoot at first. The warning label never screams loud enough that the pill promising sunshine, unicorns, and rainbows might actually crank up your suicidal ideation instead.

Jessica Michelle and I offered advice on meds because yes, we believe in them—duh. We aren’t hicks. Not anymore. Medication can be an essential part of healing, but it only works when you take it seriously. You need to be informed, ask questions, and get a second opinion before starting anything.

Just like we talked about in Episode 1 with therapists, finding the right medication is a messy, frustrating game of trial and error. A chemical trust fall. Just ask my husband.

Another side note: stay tuned for “Husband’s Corner”. That off-mic voice you’ve been hearing in the first two episodes is hubby. He has had a long mental health journey! I’ve now forced him to write all about his experiences in the soon-to-be-released “Husband’s Corner”. Only I can put my baby in a corner. 

Back to drugs. Do they help? Mmm… yes. Do they come with brutal side effects? Also yes. Does it take forever to find the right one? Unfortunately, lots of the time, yes. Am I against them? Absolutely not.

Drugs can be life-changing—and also terrifying. They shouldn’t be taken on a whim, and they definitely shouldn’t be stopped on a whim. Please don’t go cold turkey off your meds. I promise, it won’t end well.

Word of the day: titrate—to reduce slowly and safely so you don’t lose your damn mind.

Most psych meds haven’t been meaningfully updated since the ‘70s, and yeah, we could be doing more. I believe in the power of medication and holistic care. Sometimes it’s about SSRIs and magnesium, Lexapro and long walks at sunset. It’s never all or nothing.

All this to say, if you feel better, that’s a great sign that they are WORKING, which does not mean you should stop taking them. Therapist rant over, thank you for listening. 

And hey—maybe the light box actually works. You should try it. I’m about to order one just to survive this week. Should’ve listened to my mom years ago… don’t tell her I said that 😉.

So are there better ways to diagnose than trial and error with medication? 

Dr. Shahla Mordir is our family psychiatrist. Her practice is centered on holistic treatments of both psychopharmaceuticals and herbs, supplements, etc. With her help, we’ve participated in Pharmacogenetic Testing, which is a type of genetic analysis to see how your specific genes may react with medications. Kinda like 23andME for drugs. Also, pairing any psychology with a therapist, like me, feels like a great balance of being just prescribed drugs for the sake of trying and finding alternative medicinal practices for your mental health that are more natural, a la taking long walks on the beach, sunsets, and the like. 

Psychiatrists should really be the morphing of House MD and Walter White in order to properly prescribe. 

Brain scans are a HIGHLY helpful tool in diagnosing what the fuck is happening in our brains. Scan the organ you’re diagnosing, y’all. Daniel Amen does scans like this, they are expensyyyyyy but if you have the means, well worth it. In the meantime, he has a TED talk—BUT SO DO I, SO LISTEN TO MINE FIRST!

Neurofeedback is a technique used to monitor and retrain brain function—and if you know me, you know I’ve tried it. I’m obsessed with therapy, especially the weird stuff.

In my session, I had to hold a teddy bear that tracked my heart rate and play a video game where I kept a plane in the air using only my ability to stay calm. No joystick. Just vibes and regulation. It was wild. We joked that it felt like emotional Top Gun. (“Keep your nervous system steady or the bear and the passengers go down!”)

Honestly, it reminded me of physical therapy. Years ago, I had to learn how to activate my gluteus maximus—like, I literally couldn’t find my butt. A specialist had to help me locate it and keep it engaged. Neurofeedback felt the same, but for my brain. You learn how to find your regulation and sustain it under pressure.

Summary: There are still lots of things we are learning when it comes to medicating and living with various mental health diagnoses. We are still discovering a lot and learning. This conversation with Jessica Michelle tells us that. So keep listening, keep learning, and keep “giggling” along with us. More to come on the next xanyland. 

Watch the episode below, or find xanyland on your favorite podcast platform.